That Little Jumpy Person 5.0 ft


In between Delhi's post new years day cele-brat-ion talks , some pollution flavoured fog and the unavoidable laughters and jokes on Mr Modi's super failed attempt at pulling off a robin-hood on us, I attended my first social outing of 2017 and I must say i wasn't disappointed ....( more material for my new post at least ...)

Finding my way through a crowd of an S , M and an occasional XL of the very same black pleather zara bomber jacket ( scratch that ,H&M jacket ) , that smells of environment murdering polyester , I managed to enter this club which is named after a season ! (How creative not )

Reaching the bar i spotted the usual species ofcourse ; wannabe Sonam Kapoor girls sporting "boots" that have plastic bows and silver faux crystal looking trinkets.... Ofcourse the slum quality bling doesnt end there.. (I could do an entire piece on Delhi girls' boots) ,and then there were the white sneaker sporting "League of extraordinarily cheap , not so gentle men" ... Marking their ubiquitous presence were the predators, read : indian version of jocks , that make u instantly think of swanky cars, musky perfumes and STDs... Right by the tables, on the dance floor were the 16 something girls who wore make up to look 22, (we shall talk when they get to 22 and are still there , perhaps as waitresses !)

However, these were the usual attendees of any party scene in Delhi along with the drug dealer clan , the wake and bake smokers, the social mime make up kitty aunties , butterflies in search of sweeter nectar, gold digging overdressed girls with ugly rich boys, tall men short girl duos, and unforgettably the sexually fluid nose ring guys in heels ..

This week , i felt much like Einstein and i was so ecstatic and almost teary eyed when i met this short guy in a plaid shirt and denims .. Voila !! New species !!! Sporting also "the one sweater probably his dead grand mom knit for him that he repeats every bloody winter, every bloody night ",the boy has sharp eyes and is observantly hunting for someone to talk( and bore... )

Since winters are short , like their stature , so is their need to dress appropriately in the current fall fashion... It almost feels that For a few months these people totally diss their dressing sense in exchange for a few extra bucks in their wallet blaming the seasons short duration !! This kind usually get comfortable in about 6 to 10 minutes after meeting you , once they've realised they can take you down in a fist fight , and about 20 minutes later they begin to talk, hop, skip and jump in over excitement . Soon after that , their never ending pompous story that is a bloody pilgrimage towards the city of cockiness , the temple of their inflated ego and the shrine of self worship and vanity , begins...

This jumpy person normally starts to boast about returning from a fun ski trip to the alps or a crazy bachelors in Miami.. This lot only shuts up with a drink being shoved up their tiny mouth or a rude sayonara !!!!

The use of phrases like  "i have been to that place too" or " i have heard about that " only trigger the narration of a custom made absolutely false story, the purpose of which is to sound cooler than you.... Skinny dipping with 3 strippers in Vegas( at the Bellagio) !!! Or about getting action on an Egyptian pyramid ( with 2 people) !! Or dating a Finnish supermodel AND dumping her ( ya right !!! )

There is no escaping the immature fantasy filled tales of these expert liers.. The only thing that can save you is death now, or lets not be that pessimistic , the closing of the club !!!!! Phewww....

After ruining your entire evening and making you feel futile, unadventurous and energy-less , they go back home more jumpier than a newly adopted bunny and feeling a rise in their cool quotient , probably compensating for what they lack in inches ! ( Pun intended )
They like to imagine that they are some what equivalents of the uber chic James Bond or as popular and macho as perhaps "Rocky Balboa"  but amusingly the only person i can think of in their reference is the popular Japanese cartoon " Shin chan ".

-NT