Fabulous Hives of Bollywood Wives !!

Fabulous HIVES of Bollywood Wives 

If I was a scientist I’d definitely want to attempt a case study on “The effects of watching a bit too many Gossip Girl marathons.” I think the reprimanding results would be that Some girls turn into Blair’s rendition of a mean girl with a bejewelled headband . Some like me look Inspiringly to the glamorous humility and innocuous  promiscuity of Serena van der woodsen ... some channel their inner Jenny and act in rebellion . And then we’re bound to find the one strange anomaly who in this case is obviously and obliviously so delusional and all wrapped up around their ego and blinded by their pomposity , that they start to build their very own hive in real life and actually try and become the Queen Bee amongst their minions !!!!! In this case that scintillating imbecile making that desperate (and psychologically dangerous ) effort is none other than the eponymous sociopath Mr Karan Johar !!

The show starts with an extremely frumpy line up of four Middle Aged women who are sort of trying to live their cloudy version of the American dream , but In Mumbai.. After we familiarise with this confused cast , we realise the show is filthily scripted and lacks both the element of surprise, any genuine emotions or even any sort of diabolical drama ! The four women come appearing as if they’re the four horsemen of a divinely curated magic show except there is NO magic and even in the most climatic moments of the show their Pretence and performances fall flat on their faces, and at times is genuinely annoying ! 

It’s a royal mess of bad acting skills , a poor  script , mediocre career goals , over obsession with kids , a flat tyre vacation in Doha , a penultimate event that’s more cringey than the ending as described by most of my friends and ofcourse the jack ass of all babes , Karan Johar , who at one point became so irritable, intolerable and despicable that it made every viewer question their motives of continuing  the next episode !!! 

I think “ luxurious plastic first world problems with a bit of gossip n bitchiness “ is the plot we expected the show to have , and what we got was a dried up version of a kitty party with symbiotic agony aunts crying wolf in the comfort of a presidential suite ! Alas ! The susceptibility of creating Hollywood inspired shows aka replicas by the stalwarts of Bollywood comes as no surprise, yet they do manage to replicate the product quite well usually , atleast in terms of the overall effect . However , as strange as this sounds , they’ve fared miserably at doing that too with this particular series !

In some sort of comical way if I can put it as Mr Sherlock Holmes’ deliriously desirable deductions ( spoken rapidly and eloquently and meretriciously like Benedict Cumberbatch in Sherlock ) I’d say :  The four women In the show ,show no signs of a real personality . Their clothing choices of shoes, dresses, bags and jewellery and make up is all incoherent, outdated and incongruent to anything to do with international trends or aesthetics . Their Paris trip made Le Bal sound and feel like an overpopulated Delhi sangeet function at a wedding where everyone’s pushing and shoving either in the buffet lines or dyeing to perform exactly in front of the dance floor on the beats of a DJ suketu or Sukhbeer or whosoever the Ludhianvi turned LA singer is. Stemming from their irascible obsession with their kids all the time , it goes to show how brown parents, rich or poor , are manipulative controlling,  dominating and over involved in their offspring’s lives , not giving them a fair chance at life or originality! However at the same time they put in a stable zero effort or energy towards first fixing their own bloody lives ! Not only was the entire show a solid proof of nepotism ,(the cast , their family network , the connection to business investors , Le bal etc) obsessing about the come back of a yesteryear actress is a done to death storyline and her accent wanted me to mute the show immediately ! 

The other side of the show spurts cocky overconfidence and lacklustre arrival of Karan Johar who will soon be self proclaiming himself to be the Andy Cohen of India . Now I was almost barfing when he came back again onscreen to try and throw a truth bomb on these four women in Doha randomly sitting on a freaking helipad with a polyester carpet and 5 ugly chairs . Well here’s another truth bomb,  After building grandiloquent ostentatious sets for mere dream sequence songs in his movies, if this was his rendering of fine luxury and “fabulous” , Clearly it’s time for him to exit the stage and retire ! 

My last deduction it towards the end of the show which looks like if Alcoholics Anonymous was black tie and did leave me in urgent need of therapy.  I think all the women in the show share a common address , and that is beneath Gauri Khans feet ( or up hers ) . The whole episode was like a boring Ballad of undeserving praise for her,  however , she was yet unreceptive , disinterested and sort of disgusted at them for doing this show. To add more clamour to the evening was Natasha poonawala walking in wearing an odd oversized floral printed lampshade as a dress that gave me so much anxiety when she tried to sit on a sofa wearing that ! Suzanne khan walked in wearing some kind of a silver life jacket probably just to prevent her social life from sinking again I guess? I don’t even care about the rest of the guests but the evening was just so middle class to look at ! They’ve taken all the fun away from fans’ imaginations of how a Bollywood party or how the life of a Bollywood wife would be by attempting and failing to make it look real , humble and with real world problems !  

The only thing that disappointed me more was that none of them stood a chance in front of any of the OGs from the Real Housewives series which has “inspired “ this mess. 

To summarise it , I can only compare the condition of this series to Maheeps ugly mismatched luggage with one or two Louis Vuittons thrown in for the sake of luxury, which screams “ Less Paris and More Parel !! 

-NT